Bi-polar blog

Blah.

I’m having trouble finding any music that won’t make me emotional right now. I guess a rather large side-note I overlooked was the fact that I’m in Paris right now.

Plans for Spring Break happened quite last minute as most people just parted ways in small groups to do things. I spent Easter in Rome sans the majority of my friends (thank God for Jenna and Signora Romano + the Exchange to keep me busy).

I decided it would be great to spend break in Paris. I knew I wanted to go and that I didn’t want to do 2 or 3 days encumbered by travel, so this seemed like the best option. At the time of booking I thought Carrie and Kate would be here for the 23-26th but came to find out that they would be leaving early morning the 26th for London. Jenna arrives Friday the 28th. I have all of tomorrow (Wednesday the 26th) and Thursday to fill on my own.

I didn’t think this would bother me as much as it seems to be. Today was rough, stressing about making the train to Fiumicino followed by barely making my flight then the stress of trying to navigate the center of Paris without a map or anyone to lean on was exhausting. I guess as I’m typing that I should “pat myself on the back” for even being able to accomplish all of that in one day. Go me.

Anyway, I really miss home. I had been watching “Sex and the City” almost on stream for the entire week leading up to my departure. It not only drew many parallels to my life, but also made me long to be back in New York so bad. I told Carrie tonight that I wish I could do all of the weekends of the next 6 weeks so I can just get back home.

May is going to be big… and busy. I’ve decided to depart Rome and meet my mother in London (as she’d be departing the day I was to return) and do May 11th – May 16th with her. In order to see my fB wifey in her show I would then fly into Nashville, TN and stay with Noel followed by a road-trip out to Dallas and see Marissa in her tour, road-trip home then fly back to NYC on May 23rd. That being Memorial Day Weekend means I won’t be home sweet New York until May 27th, at the earliest. Am I shooting myself in the foot? I’ve been telling myself that by that time I should be so used to travelling that it won’t matter, but the depth of loneliness I felt tonight as I walked from the metro to my tiny flat in the 17th district seems to make me feel otherwise. Christ how pretentious that one could be lonely when staying 5 blocks from the Eiffel Tower.

What didn’t help was this: I recorded “O” when I saw it two years ago with my parents in Las Vegas. During one of the scenes two of the clowns “dance” and leave the audience in stitches. Throughout my entire recording of this song (which came on while on shuffle) I could hear my mom and dad’s snickering and laughing. I think for the first time, I really truly miss them. As morbid as this sounds, my mind automatically goes to the day when this recording will be the only way I can hear their voices. Wow… I really can’t go down this road right now.

I need to get back to the city and people that I love. Not planning a trip back to the states mid-semester was a mistake. If nothing else, I’ll be more than happy to see them constantly throughout the summer.

Back to Paris. It is absolutely breath-taking. Although in the midst of a heated re-telling to Carrie I was caught completely off-guard by the Eiffel Tower tonight. When the flashing lights began to go off as we stood underneath it I completely lost it as I ran across the street to get photos/video. On our walk there neither of us could handle how much Paris looked like New York. If you take a few curly-cues off of the lampposts and architecture and make the buildings a bit more industrial, we could have been in the Meat-packing District. I wish I had the psychological capacity to tell you if that was a good or bad thing.

Tomorrow I am doing Ile de la Cite. I’ll be touring Notre Dame, walking Paris’ oldest bridge “Pont Neuf” and hopefully eating at my mother’s favorite, “Hunchback of Notre Dame Café.” If sunny, I’ll go to Sainte Chappelle. I’m thinking hitting up the tourist center then getting lost in either Monmartre, Bastille or Oberkampf which will polish off the day. Thursday is to be filled with whatever is on my “to-do” list and hopefully going to “Pulp” at Kendall’s suggestion (and hopefully meeting some of her friends if I can get the McDonalds internet hookup tomorrow).

Bonsoir!